Imagine for a moment that you were a professional hypnotist, therapist, or counselor. Your client comes in for a follow up session and reports that she backslid a bit recently on a goal she was working on with you. Maybe it was a habit change or moving past a limiting fear.
In turn you reply with something like, “what the hell is wrong with you? Why can’t you be stronger? Is your brain working properly? I am so annoyed! You should be really be feeling bad about this!”
Of course you would never respond like that-unless you wanted to get a really, really bad reputation and have prospective clients stay away from you in droves. But do you do that to yourself when you haven’t lived up to your high standards of strength or perfection? Many people beat themselves up over shortcomings and mistakes thinking it will motivate them, when it usually has the opposite effect.
In personal development circles, recent attention has been given to the notion of self-compassion. Reduced to it’s essence, it encourages you to talk to yourself in troubled moments like you would to a close friend or loved one. You would acknowledge their hurt and disappointment while offering encouragement and reminding them of their strengths.
Some may object to using the voice of self-compassion, perceiving that it encourages a lack of motivation or that it is an excuse-making mechanism. However experience has shown that directing compassion and acceptance toward yourself actually increases motivation and reduces emotional pain.
Talking to yourself like you would a friend (example, “it’s OK, you are going to bounce back”) uses a third person perspective which gives you distance from the upset. It also ramps up motivation as it reminds you that you are worthwhile person who has what it takes to succeed.
You can set high standards for yourself while at the same recognizing setbacks are part of the process. None of us are perfect or strong all the time and a little self-directed kindness can go a long way. It can actually be an amazing superpower.
Call/text (732) 714-7040 to connect with NJ Hypnotist James Malone and set up your free discovery call.
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